So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
