Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
