I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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