Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
