I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
