please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
