dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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