i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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