I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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