I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
