3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I look better un-naked...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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