Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
