Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
