so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
