I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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