I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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