He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I party with great urgency now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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