I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
