If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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