Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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