Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
