He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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