just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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