we have officially lost it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
