there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
