I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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