I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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