I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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