remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
