my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
