don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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