you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
