I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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