Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
