You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
