i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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