Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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