I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
