Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
