I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize