its not stalking. its research.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
