At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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