1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
