the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
