I want to walk on stilts...naked
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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