i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
