One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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