So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
