Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
