Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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