I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
