Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize