I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
