Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
