his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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