Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
