Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
