How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
