I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
pray to the hookup gods
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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