how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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