i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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