I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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