he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
