i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
