sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
