You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
