yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
