A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
