i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
