If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
