Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
