You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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