do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
