Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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