So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
