I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
