I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
