I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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