The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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