I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
