Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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